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Jun 11, 2014

Uncle Broomcorn’s Odd Edge: News from the Fringes of Normality No. 9

By RTR Dennis

Cucumber Rake The Rake

Cucumber RakeTheRakeThis time: Moose invasion, awesome names for your child, and masturbating with cucumbers!

Moose Removed From Boise by State Officials

Idaho State wildlife tranquilized a moose on Boise’s east side to move it to a more remote area away from city. Mike Keckler spokesman or the Idaho Department of Fish and Game said the moose – weighing over 400lb - has been living on the east side, but had recently started heading toward downtown and posed a potential threat to the people in the much more populated area of the city. Moose are large animals, and the area of Boise was popular with runners, walkers, and cyclists so is always busy.

Wildlife officials were forced to remove a moose from the east side of Boise last year but at present it's not been confirmed if it's the same moose that was removed this year. Bill London - State Conservation Officer for Idaho – commented that it is doubtful the moose would return to the city.

Alaskan Woman wants to name her Daughter ‘Awesome’

Yep, you read that right - A Juneau, Alaska woman wants to literally give her daughter an awesome name. Lisa Flores is trying to legally change her daughter Vivian Flores’ middle name from Conte to Awesome.

Vivian’s brother had initially picked the name ‘Danger’, and then settled on ‘Awesome’ after Mum Lisa rejected the suggestion. However the middle name Contea was finally chosen at the last minute. But to recognise all her son’s help and hard work, she now wants to respect his wishes and have her daughter’s name officially changed to Vivian Awesome Flores.

Lisa’s son says the name will mean Vivian can tell people for the rest of her life, that she has a truly awesome name.

Cucumber Masturbator Caught in Library

A judge has sentenced a man for several instances of public masturbation using a cucumber. Fredrick Tennyson Davis was spotted by staff in the Agincourt Library in Toronto masturbating while holding a cucumber, and this was not the first time.

A police officer remarked that ‘subtlety was not Mr. Davis’ strong suite’. Constable Hopkinson commented:

"On April 7, he sits down and a 26-year-old woman sits next to him and he opens up his laptop.The man then started masturbating with one hand while clutching a cucumber with the other."

Fredrick Tennyson Davis was handed a suspended sentence and 12 months probation by a judge. Now obviously we all try to enjoy our vegetables but we think Mr. Davis may have gone too far here.